I never want 2 get 2 personal online and theres no need 4 that but I'm reaching a breaking point and a realization that I wish I had way sooner that if this page stays the same or changes overtime I really shouldn't give a fuck anymore. I have way too much art to upload onto here and how the majority of that lives on my phone that I have yet to upload in most of its entirety and how im barely making any progress teaching myself coding and my very stubborn nature to do things no matter how long they take or how detrimental they may be to me. I must make a hole for myself here. I need an escape so fucking badly from the post draft on tumblr and all the sites I had to leave because it was breaking me down as a person and artist. more importantly I feel as a person because of how easy it is to consume whole entire beings as a whole with little to no thought online due to many physical abstinences of social interaction irl. No one really gives a fuck what I post unless it directly benefits them(fanart) which I enjoy doing dont get me wrong but when it comes to that being the only thing people care about you in general and even 2 a more drastic extent of comparing yourself and wondering where u really are and who u even are it really takes u out of the experience of the internet and how some people find an escape from reality that's unnacxepting of them only to be pushed down that icy feeling further. it fucking sucks. what the hell am I supposed to do or even WANT to do if something I genuinely take my time on or something oroginal its immediately put in a abyss with a fuckton of noise and saturation that eventually blurs and muddies everything. im just typing this just cuz and its not something structured or really planned out but i have got 2 do soemthign. I feel like im rotting. I feel like im saying 2 much but not enough. atleast when I post on here hopefully the fear of harassment or resentment will be pacified for a bit than if this was just another embarrassing text post on tumblr ill end up deleting in an hour or second or so.